by Shelley Robinson, PhD
The longer I live, the more I realize that giving is also about getting. This concept of unconditional loving only holds up for so long when there is an imbalance in the giving and getting. It wears one person out in favour of the other.
Simply put, conditional loving means “I do this to get that.” Unconditional loving means “I do this with no concern for getting that.” Reciprocal loving means “I do this without expectation, but will notice if it becomes one-sided over time (as all relationships have their ups and downs).” The last choice is the healthiest because we have not lost sight of the balance in the connection.
When things are not reciprocal, we have three choices. We can bring it up with the person/people involved and re-calibrate it (in healthy relationships). We can ignore it and continue on in exhausting martyrdom. Or, if we have brought it up in healthy ways without success, we can move on to other healthy reciprocal (giving-giving) relationships. Reciprocal getting-getting relationships don’t really exist, and if they do, they don’t survive long.
Be a giver, but keep track of your energy level. Seek out reciprocal relationships. In a nutshell, good relationships give mutually more energy than they take over the long run.
**Yes, there are a billion exceptions to the above, but this is worth considering in any relationship.
Shelley Robinson
Georgia Strait Perspectives 